Story - 6

 

Shruthi reminded Sanjana again that her marriage should not be postponed for too long. “Marriage at this age? Why are you just joking? Think about what people will think.” Shruthi had discussed this issue with her friend many times before this. Today she said again, “Think about yourself a little, you idiot! You have spent 45 years alone like this. When your loneliness, worries, and hardships are haunting you, will the people for whom you have sacrificed your life for all these years come to question you? People will think what you think… What kind of people are you… Why do you need the help of these bad people who laugh at you when you are struggling, who play around with you, and who die of stomach ache when you get up? Even if you don’t get married, you are just a subject for their gossip talk, that’s all!”

 

“Why are you so angry? Your BP has been increased unjustly. It has been so many years, let whatever happens happen.”

 

When she finished speaking, Shruthi had left. Both were close friends, living in the same colony. Married, Shruthi is a mother of two children. Sanjana, 45, is still a virgin. After Shruthi left, Sanjana looked at herself in the mirror. As she said, she felt like half her life had passed. She had only been interested in looking at herself in the mirror when she was 20. Gradually, everything went away.

 

Even when she combed her hair, she would comb it 4-6 times with a comb, braid it, and apply saffron or bindi out of habit. She had no interest in any powders. This is how she wanted to look at herself in the mirror. The matted hair, the dry skin, the slightly loose cheeks, the wrinkles near the chin, the dark circles under the eyes… all of it was a sign that her youth had slipped away. She had never paid attention to beautifying herself. Today, she slowly shaved her head and started remembering old thoughts like, “Let’s braid it neatly.”

 

She was still 20 years old when she was studying in the 2nd year of her degree. At that time, her father had died accidentally in a road accident. She did not have her own house. Her mother did not have a job either. The pension money that was coming to her mother’s name from her father’s office was not enough to run the family.

 

She was the eldest, with a brother and a sister. House rent, childcare, school fees, their education… the expensive life in Bangalore seemed very expensive. Her sister was still in 10th grade, her brother in 2nd grade.

 

Knowing the serious situation of the family, Sanjana started looking for a job based on her education. Her only goal was to somehow help her mother and lead the family. A few days later, she became a primary school teacher in a private school.

 

She did not know whether getting this job was a blessing or a curse. The only way forward was to sign for 5 thousand and accept the 3 thousand she gave. It was like the court of private schools. Otherwise, she would have to go to work as a clerk for 2 thousand. Amma, who entrusted her with the responsibility of her younger brothers and sisters,

 

started cooking and running the house on time.

 

By the time 2 years had passed, a groom started coming here and there for her marriage. Amma said absolutely not.

 

“First the second daughter gets married, let the son find a job and settle down. Then Sanjana’s marriage,” she told everyone.

 

That lower-middle-class family was somehow limping along. Slowly, her brother and sister started going to college. Their demands increased day by day. Mom would spend lavishly without any restraint. All she knew was to leave any income she got to her mother. She worked as a schoolboy all day, sat for homework at 6 pm and was released at 9 am. The 1-2 thousand she earned was her livelihood at the end of the month. She started working at the age of 20, but her youth was ruined in a few years. She put on glasses for her job and worked as a schoolboy. Her mother had always taught her, “What can I do, ma’am… I am a woman without a husband. I don’t know any other way to earn a living. I work as a housemaid for three days. You have to live for this family, not for yourself anymore,” she said, and she put a curb on her mind, as if she was living to bear that burden. Needs make a person selfish. If she was late leaving for work, or if someone dropped her off while coming from school, her mother would ask her 1000 questions and make her open her mouth. The fees of the boys who come for tuition should go directly to her. In short, she stood by her feet, telling the young girl not to be fooled by love. She made her mind that she should always work for this family.

 

I told her a hundred, if not a thousand times, “Look, you are a grown-up girl. Don’t raise your eyes and let any male colleague talk to you. Don’t ever believe that this male class is love. The great responsibility of bringing the children of this house to the shore is on your shoulders. After Swaroopa’s marriage, Mahadev’s B.E. studies, he should become an engineer. Then I will choose a beautiful groom and stand in front of you and marry you. “Look, I am a tree that will fall and go. As long as I live, I will take care of all of you as a tree that provides shade. If you love someone and go beyond my words and get married, my children and I will immediately swallow sleeping pills and go away from this world. "It's up to you, whether you feed us with milk or water,". Sanjana worked with a mask on her nose, not telling a single word.

 

Her daily breakfast was leftovers from the previous night, a quick snack. If she took a can of chitranna or yogurt for lunch, her mother's water and coffee when she got home in the evening was her only food. If she ate rice and soup at night and went to bed, she would have to get up early the next morning to correct the children's homework. Saroja would not let her daughter do any housework.

 

She would always be praised verbally, saying that she would earn enough money for her schoolwork and tuitions.

 

She, the breadwinner of the household, promised her mother that she would never get married until she had brought up her younger brothers and sisters. By the time Sanjana turned 30, her younger sister Swaroopa got married to a very good groom. She took out a loan from school and had a simple wedding to secure it.

 

“My eldest daughter is the foundation of the house. If she doesn’t stand firm, we will all be like Gangamma!” They would sing and praise her in front of those who came and lead the chariot of the family of Saroja.

 

Swaroopa did not want to go to work, she did not pass her degree. No prince she wanted could come and take her in a chariot. She left this house as another middle-class elder daughter-in-law.

 

She had to tell her sister a thousand times that she should not dream too much, that she did not have the strength to spend so much. Swaroopa married Dhruv and left with a thousand grievances. Although she could not give a large amount of dowry to the house, Sanjana was exhausted when it came to meeting the expenses of the wedding and other things. She took a loan from her PF and school fund and paid it off in 4 years.

 

Even then, Sanjana kept getting a groom here and there. Saroja, who had no other thoughts until her son completed his education, They were transporting the people who came. In the meantime, the naming of Swaroopa's baby was happening amidst all the debts of her elder sister.

 

Saroja insisted that the elder daughter's marriage would take place only after her son brought her salary. Maharaya, who did not get a seat on merit, spent 2 lakhs for her brother and even got him a seat. She had to take a loan from school again and repay it for 10 years. Just after joining college, he had to pay for his expensive books, clothes to match his mood, and expenses for traveling outside.... Demands were Hanuman's tail. He always complained that he did not have a 2-wheeler so that his friends could travel. Even after Maharaya completed his education, he left Mysore and joined a big MNC company in Bangalore. When he first called his sister, he would tell her that he would make all the arrangements for her wedding. By the time 6 months had passed, the calls stopped coming.

 

As the year passed, he got a high position in another company. There, he fell in love with his colleague, got married and sent a photo of the wedding reception to his sister and mother on WhatsApp. When Sanjana came to know about it, she had to console her mother, who was upset. After 2 months, her desire to see her son and daughter-in-law increased. Sanjana arranged a car herself and sent her mother to her brother's house in Bangalore. Forgetting her daughter's worries, she left, thinking that she would stay in her son's house for at least a month and come back. Feeling like a great-grandmother, she drove without waiting a week. No matter what the eldest daughter's worries were, Saroja took to bed, worried that her son would not abandon her.

 

Now Sanjana started working in a cycle of taking care of her mother, school, and lessons. Later, using the same pretext, she admitted him to the hospital, who was bedridden, and wandered around for 15 days. Magaraya, who had gone to America for an office job, never came to see her. Meanwhile, his mother had passed away. Sanjana, who had completed her mother's duties by putting her brother-in-law first, was now literally alone. Her brother, who had sent his wife home for childbirth, came in the morning, looked after her sister, finished lunch, washed his hands and left for Bangalore again. Her sister was absorbed in her family, while her brother was busy with his family in Bangalore. Who needs this old sister now? Sanjana, who was now 40+, had become herself, and remained like that, thinking that her mechanical life had become hers. In her deserted life, the only person who supported her and comforted her was her friend Shruthi! She had supported her in all her hardships and said, "I am here for you." Now that her sister has earned a lot without any responsibility and is happy, her brother will definitely forget to take a loan of 50, 60 thousand and return it when she needs it. She is the only one who has it, who should she do it to? Their attitude was to let their children do whatever they wanted. Whenever their phone calls came, it was as if they were demanding something from her.

 

Shruthi would often remind herself and say, “Okay, all your responsibilities are gone. Get married again,” Sanjana would answer with a smile, “What kind of marriage is this at this age? Who should come forward to marry me at 45? What would people say? Don’t you laugh with your younger siblings and children?” she would say.

 

“Enough of your speech…. Find a way to live again! Who cares about you, sister? Sister is an ATM machine. She should be giving money to the raft whenever she asks. Don’t you have any responsibility to get this sister married to them now? Or have you put the responsibility of their children on your head?” Shruthi was furious. No matter what happens, Shruthi insisted that Sanjana start a new life. Sanjana hmm…, hmm, she remained silent without saying anything.

 

Thinking about all this, Sanjana looked at her face in the mirror again and again. In the name of responsibility, what else did she do besides betraying her mother, brother, and sister? But who did she tell about this? Since she had an income, she somehow spent time in the same sheet house from then until now. Feeling very bored, she left for the temple that evening.

 

As mentioned, Shruthi got Ram's details from a matrimonial center. She showed his photo to Sanjana. He was a 50-year-old widower, father of two twin children. Shruthi first went to his house with her husband and inquired about everything. He had the responsibility of his elderly mother and children. At the insistence of his mother, for the sake of the children, Ram agreed to the marriage 10 years after his wife died. The 8-year-old twins were very cute.

 

Shruthi herself, like Sanjana's sister, had talked about all the marriage talk with her. Ram, after seeing Sanjana's photo and knowing the details, said that if she agreed, he was ready to marry her. He had a good job, his own house in Mysore, and a car to travel around. He had everything. He needed a daughter-in-law who could afford the house and love children. When Shruthi came and explained the details, Sanjana initially said no. The next day, Shruthi and her husband insisted a lot and explained that Sanjana also needed a life. Sanjana, who had analyzed her life again and again, said that she would talk to Ram in private.

 

Shruthi herself invited Ram, introduced Sanjana, brought bajji, and coffee for both of them, and allowed them to talk in private. Ram, who knew Sanjana's sweet disposition and the struggle of her life, told her story again. He emphasized that he was getting married for the sake of his children.

 

Sanjana directly said that she could not emphasize on sex life as she was already menopausal. Ram, who said that he only wanted a partner who would give her mental support, simply agreed to marry her. Later, he introduced the children and showed them to his mother. Sanjana, realizing his mother's helplessness, agreed to be the light of their house.

 

Hearing the news of her sister's marriage, her brother and sister were shocked. What kind of marriage at this age? If they wanted support, they insisted that they adopt their children. She insisted that what she needed now was not support, but a partner to lead her life. Sanjana, who had lost the fight for life and was exhausted, had decided to live on. ``I also want to live!'' They bowed their heads before her wish.